Day Seven
What If?
"O Lord , thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord , thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. Do not I hate them, O Lord , that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
- Psalms 139:1-24
When my husband was diagnosed with cancer for the second time, I jumped into a familiar coping pattern: staying busy. I alerted family and friends to the news and answered the plethora of questions with what little sure information we had. I prepared freezer meals for the weeks when doctors’ appointments and chemotherapy treatments would keep us too busy to shop or cook. I rearranged my work schedule to accommodate the myriad new appointments that took priority.
In my effort to control the uncontrollable, the busyness overwhelmed me and left me exhausted until finally one day I collapsed in a pile on the floor and wept. My mind ran to all the “what-ifs?” that cancer brings. As I desperately cried out to God, I heard His familiar question yet again: “What if . . . you trusted me?”
What if you believed that this didn’t take Me by surprise? (Psalm 139:16; Matthew 6:8)
What if you believed I really do work all things together for your good? (Romans 8:28)
What if you remembered I know the plans I have for you, and I have declared that My plans for you are good, and they include a future and a hope? (Jeremiah 29:11)
What if you remembered I am good, My ways are good, and My love for you is everlasting? (Jeremiah 31:3)
What if you remembered I proved myself faithful to you when you went through this before, and knowing I am the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, you believed I will be faithful through this as well? (Hebrews 13:8)
What if you stopped listening to the father of lies, who fills your mind with what-ifs, and listened only to the voice of your heavenly Father, who speaks truth and love? (John 17:17)
As I dried my tears, I found a new determination to let go of the anxiety-producing what-ifs and take hold of the prevailing peace God promises. Because even if, God is still big enough to handle whatever comes my way, and none of it takes Him by surprise.
Prayer:
Father, You know all the what-ifs on my heart today. I want to replace them with the truth of who You are. Your love for me isn’t something I have to wonder about the way I wonder about so many other things. Help me to live in the peace of this reality. In Jesus’s name, amen.
Scripture Readings:
Psalms 139
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